I Kan't Spell
Prison on Rt 41
All you really want most nights is for her to fall in love with you. I think this is true for everyone but does not necessarily apply to anyone in particular; unless you find the particular one that you want to fall in love with you. I know who mine is so I guess in a way that makes me luckier than most.
You wait and hope that all the things that you may have done or said may actually outweigh some of the things you may have done or said. You know you have made mistakes. And like a prisoner in a jail, not only do you feel as though you have served your time, but the most heartbreaking thing is not to be able to enjoy life outside of your own prison. You are trapped in your own heart. You don't have the key. She has the key.
I guess in hindsight it's not all that special for her since she has loved, what looks to be and always seemed to be more than she loved me. Her sighs and tales and wishes never seemed to match what was actually happening in our lives. Her desire to be something else or somewhere else and just her basic desires, always seemed like fleeting vapors of effort that came out of me like punched air. But these things do not change your heart. Your heart trots along and pursues and tries to make a life.
The heart in your body is a strange organ. It hurts. It sags and cries with you when it feels locked up. When your heart is in jail your mind cannot be free. Your mind attempts escape but always flutters back to the same point of incarceration. The same words dance all the time, "Is what she says real?" "God I wonder who is watching her smile." "What can I do to fix this?" The answer to the last question, the only question that isn't really rhetorical, is "nothing". You can do nothing to fix what you have broken. There is no parole or bail available for your heart tonight. There doesn't seem to be anything but time in front of me. Like a prisoner marking the walls of his cell I too mark walls in my life. With every passing day, a birthday, a weekend, a baseball game, and even a laugh are not marked by their importance; they are marked by her absence. I think that is the definition of heartache. When you don't mark the good times you are having by the fact that they are good times, and instead you mark them as empty times because your love isn't there; that is heartbreak.
The only way I can answer my questions of "if" or "what" is for me to know if she marks her times with my absence. Unfortunately for me, I know the answer to that question is "no". I see no trace of me in her flaunting photos, and I see no trace of what was "us" in any of her current plans. So while I mark walls in my prison there seems to be a world unfolding outside of what was once my sanctuary.
Time heals all wounds, so they say I guess. I know sometimes I think back and I haven't healed from some wounds. I know that I could not forgive the injustices done to me, and for that thought it seems to me silly that I would expect her to forgive me or share with me just one more smile. That seems very sad that I would feel selfish just having her give me a smile. That would actually feel as if I were stealing. I would feel as though it were either fake or as though I didn't deserve it.
Inside of me there is a lock and heart and they are bound by one common face. They are only freed by one touch, and one pair of eyes. The key to the paradox of my mental prison is an open communication of whether or not she has a lock and a heart bound by one common face; and if that face is not mine, then...I think it's fair I should know.
The terms of this aren't meant to be selfish on my part. It's not only pain I wish to ease, for as long as I am here with gray areas - I will pursue, and I will not quit until I'm told that there is another home for her heart. And in turn that just may be the sentence shortening outcome that I have come to deserve.
Is there a world for me anymore? Is there a place or face that will give me that peace that I so hope is still alive somewhere in both of us? I don't know anymore.
Travis plays 9:30 Club
w/ John Paul White
MON. JUL. 16
Anyone...? It may be the last time they ever play here so I would like to go. If not can someone tell me how to get their via train and all...
Free Show at the Walthers Tom.
Two If BY Sea is playing a free show at the Walther's Art Gallery tom. There should also be some reps from Silver Three studios if anyone wants in? Yeah YOU!
Anyway - I hated when they changed their style but since seeing them at the Metro I have come to a new appreciation and have forgotten that they were once the same band with another album. The new band (sans keyboard) doesn't play the old songs that I loved anymore but the new songs are still better than 99.97% of the rest of this town (excluding the Animal Collective)...lol.
Anyway I'll be there with a couple of friends and then it's on to O'sheas and out for a night of pure fucking debauchery.
See you about!
Song of the Day - Kimya Dawson : The Beer
Kudos to Dan for doing this - we won't hug anymore though...lol
Bonus - Loose Lips
Tell me you just don't feel that she is the most wonderful person ever...
My heart is on my sleeve my head is in the sand
I said how did we end up here? you said happenstance
But I didn't understand so I made other plans
I ran to the ocean washed the blood off of my hands
I washed away my tears washed away ten years
Washed away the empty space in-between my ears
And you said all that I mean is that you and me
Didn't meet because of fate but rather probability
And you said the truth's like corn and lies are like weeds
You said the schroedinger equation collapsed perfectly
And I said mercy me be patient please
Cause I don't know a goddamn thing about the birds and the bees
I just know what I'm like and I'm like what I see
Even though it's hard to see because you just blinded me
And if there's one thing I learned in chemistry
It's that the gain of electrons is reduction, obviously
But you can't see electrons without machines
And you can't tell from my inflection if I'm being mean
And I don't know if I can take you seriously
Sometimes elections depend on the absentees
And my family and my friends
And all the little kids that love me make me strong
And no matter how this ends
I know I'll never ever ever be alone
Some day I'll be an old lady
With a big dress and an apron
A babushka and bare feet
I'll be out in my garden
On my hands and knees
And I'll be singing a song
That is really sad and sweet
Mommy and daddy your baby is grown
And the smell of the cold, wet dirt reminds me home
Awesome Ness ess ess
Just a great link to a great thing... lol
The haze of a Baltimore summer, and although I have few other town summer's to compare it too, is oppressive to say the least.
Last night walking to the Oriole game was something out of a James Bond jungle scene. A small pool of liquid had built up on my lower back before I had walked three blocks. And the air was so heavy you felt like you could grab it and throw it.
Maybe it's this city and where it is located. Too far from the ocean to get the cooling night breeze and just ladled into the mountains so that low pressure systems come and sit in the early evening raising the dew point.
"It's not the heat. It's the humidity." Some people hate this term, well those "some" people have never walked around in the gelatinous atmosphere of downtown Baltimore. You feel the most uncomfortable when the dew point hits over 70 degrees.
The blame for this hot, sticky weather, aside from it being summer at 39 degrees north latitude, lies with a high-pressure system spinning clockwise, as they do, just off the Atlantic Coast. That system brings hot, humid Gulf and Atlantic air our way.
What we do get though, which is one of my favorite nature related events in the world, are the night time thunderstorms. Once or twice a week for 20-30 minutes at a time we get a low pressure system that comes in and dumps on us with full fledged lightening and a downpour of rain. The best of these are the ones that last all night. While it doesn't help much with the humidity of course, it does clean the city and illuminate the sky with nature's fireworks.
I love the smell of the city after a heavy rain in the summer. The steam of the street rises up and smells like hot, well...hot street. It's the tar from the street and tin of the cars that combine to make this metallic washed smell that reminds you ever so slightly that Mother Nature can at any time take all this little shit we built and replace it with whatever she wants.
While I love the thunderstorms, I sure do hate the summers here when it comes to the weather. You wake up in what feels like a wet towel and you inhale bus fumes in the morning and cooking meat at night. The bars all seem to have beers just-not-cold-enough to satisfy your thirst.
Yesterday was the first of many of these days to come and it's time to batten down the hatches and raise the electric bill.
My Message to all Those Wanting Some
I ate every single one without noticing the mold
He said "Ew you are gross my darling"
I said "No I'm rock n roll."
J-Roddy Walston and The Business
Welcome to the new fanclub home of J-Roddy Walston and The Business. A Baltimore band that sort of brings it in the Hold Steady smart rock band kind of way. Too big for a bar and too small for a venue. No wonder they had to tour. But they will be at Artscape opening for the Old 97's.
In other Artscape news - here's your fucking lineup - I expect to see some foot traffic at my house at some point. My neighbor and I have decided to accomodate the neighborhood.
Here is your lineup -
Main Stage - (the grass bowl)
Friday, July 20
4pm The Players, ska
5:30pm Gordon Chambers, soul
7pm Nuttin’ But Stringz, eclectic hip hop
8:30pm The Isley Brothers, classic R&B, presented by Bon
Secours Baltimore Health System
Saturday, July 21
1:30pm Love Craft, Jazz
3pm Marcel & The Truth, R&B
4:45pm Emily King, soul
6:30pm Lupe Fiasco, hip-hop
8:30pm Keyshia Cole, R&B
Sunday, July 22
2:45pm Clarence “Bluesman” Turner, blues, presented by the Baltimore Blues Society
4:30pm Ryan Shaw, soul
6:30pm Burning Spear, roots/reggae
Festival Stage - (the one at the end of the street)
Friday, July 20
5:30pm The Bridge, funk/jam
7pm Martin Sexton, rock/soul
8:30pm Los Lonely Boys, blues/rock
Saturday, July 21
12:30pm Matt Wigler, blues presented by the Baltimore Blues Society
2pm The Crawdaddies, zydeco
3:30pm Far From Earth, rock/experimental
5pm J Roddy Walston and The Business, rock & roll
6:30pm The Avett Brothers, indie acoustic rock
8pm Old 97’s, alt-country
Sunday, July 22
12pm Winner of the 2006 Billie Holiday Competition, Georgene Fontain
1:30pm Archie Edwards Barbershop Players, blues, presented by the Baltimore Blues Society
3pm Los Hermanos: Bobby Radcliff and Bruce Ewan, Latin blues
4:30pm The Greencards, Americana/folk
6:30pm Sam Bush, bluegrass
ALSO - two other new one's I found today which turned my ears up -
The Klaxons - Fruity noots
The Rakes - Franz Ferdinand two...
SNAS New Artist of the Day
Thanks Blake! It's pretty damn de.lic.ious.
Elvis Perkins: Ash Wednesday
While you were sleeping:
Unfinished Birthday Wishes
There is an unfinished puzzle on the kitchen table that we bought together. "Don't let her see this table. It's exactly what she wants." Now that table and everything in this mortuary reminds me of her. I used to always think that I knew exactly what she wanted. I could take any one thing in the world and hold it up to her and I knew right away whether or not it was what she wanted.
It's her birthday. It's her birthday and she won't see me. She won't call me and I keep calling her like some school boy on a crush. You can only chase someone who doesn't want to be caught for so long, and even if you catch them, they'll just run again.
A thousand scenarios run through your mind on nights like this. On important nights like a birthday a thousand awful things crash down upon you. Her kissing someone else's lips or being touched by someone else's hands are thoughts dancing in your head like a vapor tailed man with a pitch fork. You think of a little box with a ribbon that she opens and smiles so big as she reaches over and hugs someone. You think of a toast to the beautiful woman who used to do puzzles on the kitchen table that you knew she wanted.
That table just sits there now. It sits there with an unfinished puzzle that we bought. I haven't sat down to add one piece since the day she left. She actually left long before she ever left. It was a puzzle that she knew I would like. It's a Norman Rockwell painting. Its a painting of the life I just wanted to paint her into.
It's her birthday and she won't talk to me. It's her birthday and I'm the last thing on her mind and she hasn't left my mind since the last time I saw her. I keep waiting to hear that door open to this old house. The first door opens and shuts after you have entered the second door. It's a second by second sound of someone coming home. And then hopefully you'll hear the key jingle, and the lock, and maybe the sound of little paws scurrying at the door. She'll have the little black puppy in her hands and she'll need to let him down and he'll run to me.
I knew she would want that dog. The little dog that I named and the one that I miss.
I wait to pick that dog up and have him attack my face with his licking. And in that fantasy I'm finishing the puzzle and there's a little box on the table with a bow on it. She sees it and opens it and cups my face in those motherly hands and kisses my forehead and tells me she loves me.
I started to realize I was chasing her ghost about a month ago. There were now all of a sudden hidden agendas and no more inquiries to my life. She stopped caring about anything having to do with my life. That was the first sign and what happened was I started caring too much. I started to dance with the ghosts I was chasing and in actuality I wasn't dancing. It was more like I was robbing a store with them. I was killing my soul by dancing with the ghost.
It's her birthday and I hope she is happy. Chasing something that doesn't want to be caught only makes you look like a fool. I've been chasing ghosts half of my life. I've been chasing my own immortality through the motherly hands. I've been chasing something that I can't catch. It's her birthday and she's so beautiful in my head right now while I'm typing this. I know she's not alone because that's not her style. I know this because I always knew what she wanted. I'll always know what she wants and I can only hope I'm here when that key jingles, to give it to her.
From you one look
Just one look and everything is shattered
From you word
Fires curl, shadows swirl
A hollow sound
That no one else can hear
But me in silent streams
I've come to notice certain office things that I want to say but instead end up saying the first thing. When in actuality my brain is going:
1) TRY SAYING:
I think you could use more training.
You don't know what the fuck you're doing.
2) TRY SAYING:
She's an aggressive go-getter.
She's a ball-busting bitch.
3) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps I can work late.
And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?
4) TRY SAYING:
I'm certain that isn't feasible.
No fucking way.
5) TRY SAYING:
You've got to be shitting me!
6) TRY SAYING:
Perhaps you should check with...
Tell someone who gives a shit.
7) TRY SAYING:
I wasn't involved in the project.
It's not my fucking problem.
8) TRY SAYING:
What the fuck are you talking about?
9) TRY SAYING:
I'm not sure this can be implemented.
This shit won't work.
10) TRY SAYING:
I'll try to schedule that.
Why the fucking hell didn't you tell me sooner?
11) TRY SAYING:
He's not familiar with the issues.
He's got his head up his ass.
12) TRY SAYING:
Excuse me, sir?
13) TRY SAYING:
So you weren't happy with it?
Kiss my ass.
14) TRY SAYING:
I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
Fuck it, I'm on salary.
15) TRY SAYING:
I don't think you understand.
Shove it up your fucking ass.
16) TRY SAYING:
I love a challenge.
This job sucks.
17) TRY SAYING:
You want me to take care of that?
Who the fuck died and made you boss?
18) TRY SAYING:
He's somewhat insensitive.
He's a prick.
SNAS Update Top 10 Albums and newcommers of 2007 (6 month edition)
1. Benjy Ferree - Leaving the Nest :: You've heard me talk about him. Now I really want you to take a moment and go listen to the freshest breath of indie folk/county/pop that you have heard in a while. He's smart. His lyrics are smart and even better, he's from the area.
2. Arcade Fire - Neon Bible :: Even though I'm pretty against them - you just can't deny the genius of their music sometimes. It's just too good to hate on for very long.
3. Elliott Smith - New Moon :: Posthumously released but goddamn doesn't it feel like a cold shower on a hot day to listen to Elliott again. One of the top 10 song writers of the past 15 years doesn't skip a beat...even from the grave.
4. Pop Levi - The Return To Form Black Majick Party :: Half contrived. Half awesome. In the vein of Andrew Bird and Devandra Banhart mixed with Adam Green but without the hullabaloo that brought all of those creatures to a terminal mass that got stuck in the mud. Talented beyond belief...but as with all solo indie artists the eternal question and situation is always thus: "Well here's your shot. Now let's see what kind of personality you have...cuz that's what is going to make or break you."
5.The Besnard Lakes - Dark Horses :: Montreal strikes again with the Morphines of the year. It's like Interpol on smack but it's pretty tasty. Canada needs to lighten up. But - it's seriously good. When I bought this I was immediately entranced enough that I had to sit on the curb and listen to it. It's this years Pink Floyd.
6. Amy Winehouse - Back to Black :: What can you say? Girl's got moxey (sp?). She's a pop icon but at the same time - she escapes enough to get a pass from me about being a pop icon. She looks smelly - which - in rock n roll is a good thing. Oh her music - I don't know how she gets that voice out of that body - but damn. She can bring it.
7. The National - Boxer :: Again on the Arcade Fire wave which seems to be all the rage this year and last year. I mean - I think what happens is that if you are talented you curve yourself to what it supposed to be next. People still playing acoustic guitar indie songs about pain (unless you are dead - see Elliott) just are 4 years behind by now. That's what these guys would have been doing if THEY were lame. But they mutated into piano awesome goodness.
8. Jarvis Cocker - Jarvis :: Ole cracked out Jarvis is back but ole cracked out Jarvis has moved passed the Common People and into a realm of his own. His solo career plans to be much more exciting than Pulp was - . Cockney rock will never go out of style - just like green pants.
9. Patrick Wolf - The Magic Position :: For those who need their Morrisey fix. Look him up.
10. I don't really have a 10th. Icky thump is pretty good -
Class of 97'
For all of those who have been secretly reading my blog - it was good to see everyone there on Saturday...and Sunday... We should do it every year. Thanks again to John for putting it together. Thanks to Tim for letting us fuck up his bar. Thanks to Dean for all my new cuts and bruises. It was a good time had by all.
Best line of the night:
"Jesus fucking Christ Venazzi showed...he should be living on the fucking moon by now."
BTW - I can't believe how rich some of your fuckers are.
We were walking down the street. The broken little street looked as if it were trying to deter our walk. I couldn't stop babbling. I was a little too giddy and I was a little too nervous. For some reason lately this is how I get when I talk to someone I really want to talk to. It could be the detiorating neurons all fighting for air. It could be my pensiveness towards opinions about myself. The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others.
And that's what happens inside your head. You start to lie to yourself about who you are and who you love. You start to sell yourself short or too long. But, the point is you aren't really who you are. You are more than likely who the people around you want to be or who they want to see.
As they all sat in my apartment playing their guitars and stupid little drum machine asking me "What do you think?", "Would you write lyrics for me?" I thought to myself, "I don't enjoy your company that much." I thought to myself, "This is all futile star gazing and I don't enjoy it. I appreciate your desire to express yourself but you aren't expressing yourself as much as you are running from any sort of responsibility. There isn't enough art in you to make up for the fact that you can't compete with the rest of society."
I can be so republican that it's scary. But in all actuality it’s time to grow up. I don’t play. I don’t write. I don’t paint. I’m a critic. And, you know what they say about critics.
And the strange part is that I know they are reading what I am writing right now and now that I have written about their questions, they know exactly who they are. But again, I need to be honest. I don't enjoy your art that much. I don't agree with our relationship of strange convenience that we have as we attempt to jump over cracks in the street that we both live on. Gentle passes in the afternoon don't mean anything to me, and late nights watching you get high off of glass bowls full of marijuana make me sick to my stomach that you are in my home; our home. Your inability to capture anything more than a second of boring mediocrity matched with your inability to see the malaise on my face as I set up my DVR to record "Deadliest Catch" just again buries your effort further below my appreciation.
So with each passing moment I make my own art. There are physical moments to be had with other artists. I am a muse. I am a reasoning voice outside of pot. I am the rainmaker to what I know. But I can't lie about it. I can't sit idle and pretend to pretend. I can't get high with you and start to appreciate what is just, well, garbage. I've seen good art and I've met good artists and their abilities don't surpass yours and they may not even be AS talented, but the difference is that they know it. They do what they do because they love what they do. They don't do it to escape it into a world filled with other smelly people telling each other how smart they are or how talented they are. They write, paint, and make music with individual ambition directed towards an outlet. They don't make their outlet an excuse to ignore individual ambition.
Anyway, that's my piece of mind. Hate me. Come get your guitar that you left. Ignore me when I walk down the cracked street, but the bottom line is I just had to tell you that I don't dig your art the way you go about it.
Quote of the Day
"I gotta tiptoe through the tulips for these assholes."
Followed closely by:
"So, she doesn't want to know you? Hold on I have to call 411 to get the number of the nearest insane asylum and let them know they have one on the loose."
Hamas and Calvert Hall
Those are two things that seem to go together like Hockey and Summer time.
Anyway - Hamas has taken over the Palestinian equivalent of the White House and the Oval Office. In a sorta cool moment they started to chuck out pictures of Arafat and the current leader Abbas. Didn't Hamas just win and now Hamas is overthrowing Hammas? Maybe I'm missing something. But I always find this area of the world the most interesting (as does everyone else I guess) simply because once the Palestinians overly mess up Isreal the rest of the world will come to their aide and then the Islamic countries in the area will come to the aide of Palestine and then we'll have a nice bowl of World War 3. That's my theory anyway, and the last I looked I finished 5th in the running for Defense Secretary.
On a lighter note doesn't 'Hamas' sound like a sandwich?
In super lighter news - my 10 year highschool reunion is this evening and throughout the weekend. Unfortunately, unlike most Calvert Hall events this is not stag. This means, in reverse of what was our highschool, we now have to appease and cater to the women at the party. I love catering to women I do, but I have to admit that the reason private school seems to be a great breeding ground for excellence is the commitment to single sex education. You take so many variables out of the equation when you relieve yourself of the distraction that is woman. This is especially true for the ages of 14-18. I know there is much to be learned from women, and not having that interaction throughout highschool has definitely lead me down some wrong paths when it comes to me choosing girlfriends, but the pros far outweigh the cons. There were no fights, no jealousy other than who was smarter or better at sports. And you got to develop a strange sense of homoeroticism like the Greeks. Anywho...
Tonight the wagon train rolls in. Tomorrow the festivities start early and will go late and maybe just straight into Sunday. Unfortunately I will be sans girlfriend so after about 2 days of hanging around everyone else and their beloved I'll be forced to get sloppily drunk and explain the "why's". But again that's not what this weekend is about. I can only imagine a 10 year reunion is going to be one of the most interesting times I've had in a long time. It won't be for the people I already know because I could fall off the back of a turnip truck in Alabama ten years from now and run into any of them and I wouldn't "skip a beat". But, for the fringe people who I won't remember last names for and who I didn't like back then and more than likely will like even less now, it will be interesting seeing how things mesh together.
I have a feeling it will be good. There will be fine food, lots of wine, an Oriole game, a local bar, and hugs and toasts enough to go around until the next 10 years. I'd like to thank my friend John for putting it all together and I hope it pays off for him. Welcome home Calvert Hall class of 97'. I have a feeling this town may have missed us a little.
Have a great weekend.
Triumph and Crazy Love
Triumph has one of his best bits on the carpet at the Tony's. It's amazing!
"Let Abe in!!"
I found out where this is playing: Hopefully I can go to see it with Jas on or near her birthday. It's our theme. "Burt, where's my coffee?"
Today's Mood: Ben Folds (finsky)
Brick: Yep it reminds me.
One Angry Dwarf: Just a great song - im not into definitions today.
Army : Audience help and all
Landed: Great song. Great writer. Wish he was around more.
The Orioles are in Last
And other news -
I'll be redoing the website of Tom Gregory over the next couple of days. And I'll also be doing one for the gallery and new music space up the street. If you can't afford the beach because your fat - you might as well work.
Anyway - the o's are in last. Life is sucking....
Broad Sword Band of the Day: White Stripes
I just thought I'd put up 5 videos of some Stripes that you may not get to listen to on the regular - and if you've never seen them live you can see why when someone asks me "What was the best band of the 00's?" I can easily say without hesitation "The White Stripes".
Jolene - The old Dolly Parton song which is just done way too well...
The Union Forever - This is my favorite song of theirs.
Bol Weevil - This is what they usually close shows with. Because they get you to sing along with them. Not only are they just a fucking great band - but live - it's possible that they are better.
Dead Leaves and the Dirty Ground - Just an amazing song. I mean the poetry alone is just enough to be good.
Ball and Biscuit - Just a song that you want to have sex to. I haven't yet though...my lady doesn't enjoy this song at all... much like most things about me...
3 Random Videos
The most hilarious skit ever put on by Robot Chicken: The Muppets Behind the Music
Any concert I ever go to ever will not have a better intro song than this one - not ever - not even close -
My favorite current show - - Mojo's Three Sheets.
One BONUS - YOU WILL DIE LAUGHING!!!!!!!!
The Sopranos Final Epicrap
I'm not going to talk about the actual show besides how boring it was. So there won't be any spoilers or anything if you haven't seen it yet. First off, I've never been a huge Soprano's fan. It's just one more TV show that people watch to covet things that they'll never have and to fill vapid pauses in conversations that take place at crappy meals with friends who aren't really friends.
I don't care about it being offensive to Italians or the fact that most of the characters appear to be drawn up by Stan Lee as opposed to Martin Scorsese. What I do care about is the most pompous ending that left people feeling as if they just had sex for an hour without an orgasm. The last episode answered absolutely no questions. It brought no closure to the relationship that America had with it's most beloved television series since Seinfeld.
Last night my new neighbor and a couple of his friends came over, and since they are the Sopranos hard core demographic, I had to hold my tongue from laughter in a number of scenes as to not offend them. But they left my apartment with the feeling of dissatisfaction the likes of which has not been equaled since the last episode of Cheers, which was just appalling. But, at least cheers made an effort at closure. One of his friends, this girl, started preaching about loving the risk that HBO took on leaving it so tangled and vague at the end. I immediately said, "Well it's time for me to get some sleep." Because I didn't really care all that much.
I think more than the fact that the ending sucked, I am really disturbed by the general public's love for such an awful show. It is poorly written with dialogue that borders on just comic absurdity only matched by the wig on Steve Van Zandt’s head.
"Sil" circa 1985.
It feeds off of America's incessant love with sexy crime, morons owning nice things, and the ability to be a moron and own nice things while having no real skills. "Look honey, I'm just as smart as Big Pussy and he drives a Jaguar." American's desire to get mired in fantasy while actually living in semi-despair always seems to shock me.
Anyway, I'm glad that The Soprano's are off the air. While it was entertaining, it should have been far removed from the fanfare it received.
For people going with the "We got whacked theory." You are giving way too much credit to the staff of this show. But I can see where that's possible. Either way I don't care. RIP shitty show. RIP indeed.
Requiem For a Love
To hurt someone you love may be the greatest sin known to man. When eyes that once trusted you look onto you with weary guile and a side glance of mistrust you start to wonder what kind of person you really are. You become jealous and wantonly furios about thing that have nothing to do with you anymore. You scream about phone calls that you think were made and internet messages about some place they might have been. Your mind races into fields of other men holding her and you find yourself creeping around in a life that is no longer yours.
The most sobering experience you will ever have is knowing that you caused your own pain. When you lie, cheat, steal, or hurt anyone that loves you and you do it with deceit and without thought of consequence you deserve every piece of pain that comes your way.
You deserve to watch her get married in the arms of another man. You deserve to watch her swing her head back the way she does and kick up her heal and flaunt her happiness in front of you. You deserve to be treated like the bastard that you were. And again, the word ‘sobering’ always comes to mind, when I think about this. There is no colder shower than knowing that you can't win someone's love back. It's not as easy making them a promise anymore, because they just don't believe you. It's not as easy saying I'm sorry, because those words carry no weight.
However, for my own personal reasons I have to say that I am truly sorry to Jas for being a bastard. I am truly sorry for doing things that she asked me not to do and thing that you inherently know you shouldn't do. This isn't an apology I guess as much as a confession to myself and anyone else. While Jas may have been moody, mean, a little nuts, unjustly angry sometimes, she always loved in her way at the end of the day. No one got to see the way she would lay her head on your chest or brush her teeth. You didn’t hear her ask you to pop her toes or rub her back. And the greatest thing of all is that you didn’t get to make her laugh. Her way of love was the best way I had ever known. It wasn't cheap. It wasn't tawdry. It was earned and you felt as though you earned that love through all the broken possession and the curse words. You looked at all the pain that you had been through and you saw the most beautiful face God ever made and the way it looked at you and you knew that those things that seemed so awful or painful didn't matter. You were in love.
Sadly though, the bastard doesn't get to fall out of love and thus love is his purgatory.
It is finally clear to me after a few months of trying to make things right or be a better person for her that it can never happen. You can't buy or earn trust back like the way it was in the past. Despite what the movies may say or what books you have read, once you hurt someone and betray them, you aren't allowed back into the same chambers of the heart.
I'm not asking for any pity because I certainly don't deserve it. I'm just writing this because I need to be reminded, for next time, if there is one, that you don't get many heart stopping unbelievable loves in your life. You don't get someone that you would die for, knocking on your door every day. You get few chances if any to make the great things in your life the greatest thing, and while life is a learning experience you need to always remember the mistakes of the past; else be doomed to repeat them.
So it is with a sad, heavy, and tired heart that today it is my calling to just sort of butt out. It's hurting her that I call her to tell her “I love you” one minute and that “I hate you” the next. It hurts us both. It's time to just let life go on without the notion of her and I as 'us'. So this is my final text message, email, chat, phone call, and it's my way of saying that it was my fault. That I was to blame and that it's about time that I grow up. I don't know what will happen because deep down I know how much I love her but like I said, I deserve my sentence for my crimes. A bastard like me doesn't get nor deserve a second chance.
Bought this family heirloom book today - - fascinating. For those who don't know - check this out.
Tom Gregory Prints
I ran into old Federal Hill pal Tom Gregory (silver haired man who lives at 911 light and has the yard sales in front of his house) in Hamden at the auction spot next to the old antique store. This new place is an antique store as well but is more of a place for individual artists to sell their prints and the collectors are kind of second.
Anyway him and a friend opened up Woodwards in the old theatre. Tom has some really great old Baltimore images, the gritty shit from the 80's and 70's that just smells of Baltimore.
Tom also has a studio in his house which I was lucky enough to visit and as soon as I feel like treating myself I'll be crapping on the McClintock collections and moving on to my man here. Unfortunately, his website is kind of hurting but if you want to see the genuine article I would suggest heading up to 36th street and dropping by.
I love this one:
And this one:
July 18th Detroit Cobras Ottobar
I will be there - great band that used to tour with the Stripes and are under Megs label in Detroit.
Thursday July 19th
The Detroit Cobras, Dan Sartain, Willowz
and Glenmont Popes
Doors at 8pm/ Show at 9pm- ALL AGES
Tonight at the Ottobar: We are the Fury / Liam and Me
Local pop punk quatro Liam and Me play the Ottobar. It's a little out of my reach but I have nothing to do this evening so...why not? A little too many "wooohoooahhhooo" and "Girl". It's catchy and all but - it's also kinda sissy.
We are the Fury will open - which when you read it - really makes you read "furry" because you just can't help it. You see I just don't know about them - they try to be an opening band for the Hedwig and the Angry Inch concert with a little bit of Hot Hot Heat in them.
Aww and it's a 7:30 show. How cute...it'll be kiddie central.
This show seems like it's going to be all chicks... Why do I have such gay music tendencies sometimes?
Also in other news - Lo/Fi Social club is getting off the ground and would like some footholds in and around what is just popping like popcorn as the the hottest music bed in town - the 1700-1900 block of charles. Project includes a music store and venue. Also the actual dj/band will be performing at the new art space donw the street: Metro Gallery.
Getting Out of Town
On a lighter note - the Greek festival is this weekend - I'll be going to that Sunday when I get back. It's the best ethnic festival around.
Hold On To Your Paddles
Two things in one post about NeS (nintendo entertainment system for the non-leet).
1. Every Thursday night it looks like people are going to the sidebar to play classic NeS games whilst the bands play. Doesn't get nerdier than that - and how often do you get to see a band called "My Twisted Death Tit" while playing Baseball Stars - huh?
2. http://nintendo8.com/ = greatest site in the world.
and a 3rd thing - something happened in my "sorta" fam last night. Hopefully things will work out one way or another quickly - nobody wants to be mired with death and invalids for too long. I know - but I have to be cold and stern about it.
I talked to an old friend last night;
(Webster) Web .
Old Baseball players hug.
Its the leather in your jaw.
The dirt still under both of your nails;
An insignia of what we called
Character building pride.
Didn't recognize him in the basement bar;
No light down there.
His black face looked semi-menacing.
Then I heard my name.
(Webstah with the sweat ball pitch.)
The laugh at the corner of the eyes
is what makes you remember a name for a face.
The catch up begins.
A sucking sound came from inside my chest.
(Father's explained fathers and sons)
We talked about our fathers.
His dad had the camera of light.
My father had left.
This sound was
Air out of a plane window at 30k feet;
Air out of my shoes knocking me on the floor
Web sort of knew;
"Crazy he was" he said he thought he knew.
"Crazy he was" I said I knew I thought.
A sigh for measure.
He photographs like dad
A good man his dad was and
How he used to always photograph us running
In the dirt.
His laughs and cheers behind the camera
Made him like chewy cool parfait.
He used to remind me of living jazz.
His son carried his tune the same.
With respect there was a name.
The blur from a corner of the crest is slept under did I.
Plaid lines of confusion,
Make fathers in the knew, thought, heard era.
"To our Dad's"
A walk home
A tired heart rests
Douche of the Year Award
This guy has my vote - even the guy interviewing him knows he's a douchealoosh. Dude - watch how he rocks back and forth when he starts doing the languages for "give me a ball."
Guys like this at the park make you want to puke.
Tour etc. for Ponytail, Wham City, and Dan Deacon
Well that took 10 minutes. Talking with some people the other day it went like this:
"We were playing in LA no matter what on the 16th. and then....woooooooosh"
"So you guys filled up like that...?"
"We simply called every small record label and every city that was 1 hour from LA and made it that way - we backtracked across the map. And they were like, credentials, demos, mp3, stickers, t-shirts blah blah blah...and I just said man - check this out. And they saw the city paper and the pitchfork review and it was like "snap""
"It's gonna get crazy down here this summer and fall."
"Man John Waters is gonna have me in his phone man...we got the art thing, the venue thing, the warehouse, and now it's like - it's all gonna happen."
There is a crazy ass air of excitement around my block - it's kinda fun actually.
Pony Tail gets an 8.1 from Pitchfork
The Redneck in Me Loves Me Some Black Crowes
In case anyone missed it, and judging by the attendance at every Sonar function and the listening audience of most Marylanders not owning Sirius or an Ipod, the Black Crowes are coming to town and they are playing...yep Sonar. I know...how the mighty have fallen, aye?
"But Bret, the Black Crowes?"
"Dude, come on I like Oasis...don't imagine for a second that I don't have crappy shitty music ties to the past."
And the Black Crowes are a part of that ensemble. They are a part of my ultimate nostalgia tour. They won't be closing my line-up, nor opening, but damned if they aren't in there with a strong 6 song set. Let me see if I can find some Crowes that you may not have heard but that you can appreciate a little.
This is my birthday present to me - because finally - this will be the year that I spend my birthday completely alone. I live by myself. I eat by myself. And now I can buy tickets to a concert and just go by myself for my birthday. Tue Aug 7 I'll be hanging out with all the mullets and requesting that they play "the new stuff" or "the old stuff" it's all good to me, because it's all nostalgia.
Thorn in my pride:
Down on the Street - Oasis and The Crowes - - how bout that
My Favorite Crowes song - Seeing Things (they'll never play it live again though) - you'll need to turn up the volume.
A hundred years will never ease
Hearing things I wont believe
I saw it with my own two eyes
All the pain that I cant hide
And this pain starts in my heart
And this love tears us apart
You wont find me bent down on my knees
Aint bendin over backwards baby
Not to please
cause Im seeing things for the first time
Im seeing things for the first time, oh yeah
Im seeing things for the first time
In my life, in my life
I used to dream
Of better days that never came
Sorry aint nothin to me
Im gone and thats the way it must be
So please Ive done my time
Lovin you is such a crime
You wont fine me down on, on my knees
Wont fine me over backwards baby
Just to please
And this is what we all want anyway - She Talks to Angels - Acoustic from 91'
God I was 11 and it was the summer when this came out. I remember being at YMCA camp and running home to watch MTV so I could watch this video and sing it. At 11 the Crowes were I think... and I never even thought about it...my first contemporary band that I loved.
Song of the Day: Benjy Ferree - In the Country Side
If he had more vidoes I'd put them up. He's really good and my favorite new artist of this year. Cheers to good music. It's like a washing of your face after a day in the desert.
If you want to listen to the whole album - you can do that here.
There's a New Place in Town
In case some of you missed it, and since I only told two of you, that would be everyone, the art show at the new Arty Space was pretty cool. It was pretty graphic, pretty baltimore, but as always pretty damn interesting.
The Metro Gallery is located directly across from the tapas joint and the Charles theatre. It's a pretty cool little space that looks like it used to either be an H&R block or a car dealer ship. The windows go from ceiling to floor and as you walk by you can see the bands play through the windows.
Who knows how long it'll last but it's closer than the Ottobar, it's not just Dj's spinning at XS, and it's not hippy jam funk at the 8 x 10, nor local crappy bands that are "showcased" on 98rock at Fletchers. Also for any of you metal heads out there - at the art thing somebody told me of a new place called The Black Hole Rock Club. You won't ever see me there but - I'm an equal opportunity promoter.
Anyway - my apartment seller guy/new friend Seth invited me to go and it was pretty cool. Check out some of his stuff on his myspace page. (Sorry I gave up on myspace a while ago. It was just too much for me to be 13 again.)
Also tonight - back by - well - the bar's demand - a man we used to go see play and laughed with - the one, the only - Mark Whiskey will be covering Johnny Cash all night long at the Full Moon Saloon (*cough*) 'hole'. Anyway I may mosey there to check him out.
Also - this is the relevant local music site that I check out that uses some sort of Spider thing to submit and request music acts. Luckily it keeps out the open mic nights - lol - http://patsdistrict.com/music_scene/maryland_music_scene.html
Also - I'm still entertaining any thoughts of anyone who wants to go see Benjy Ferree tonight. Please take me - don't make me take the Metro if I so decide to...please...
Have a nice day.
This was played at the new venue on Friday night - it was pretty good.
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Things Making Me Smile
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep
Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Two if By Sea
Places I Rock in the Flesh
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Cross Street Market
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel
My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)
The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets the Return
Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Pitch Fork Media
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore
Angry Little Girls
Junior Varsity Meat Market
Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Villa Julie College Baseball
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