I Kan't Spell
Come Down and Watch the Parade
"Trimmed down to the bone by way the bark", that's what they say about some people. There seems to be an epidemic of old southern style coming around lately. The style itself is easy like melted pan butter on French toast. They say it's because of the stagnant cycle. They say it's because heritage done come and gone with the way the bark got stripped from the tree.
There's no salt on her tail anymore. She doesn't have the need to chase herself around the dark only to find that what was on her tail was salt. All those dizzy days trying to drink the something off her own tail drove her to permanent tired. Around she would go until she fell down and laid still. When she lay still she saw that her tail curled right up to her nose and that the salt that was there wasn't worth licking anyway.
I thought I met a man that could help me and be my friend. But he just asked if I knew a man that knew what was going on. I was mistaken only in strangers and never in the fruits. Only in the walk do you think. I thought I found a place to help me sleep. My nights had never been darker or longer and I was mistaken. Reflections of shadows come down to slap my hand and breath on my knees and thighs. They come down to play with me through all my mistakes. I thought I had seen someone laughing in the sun.
Two of Us by the Beatles has an intro in which John Lennon reads "Act 1: in which Doris gets her oats." Then they all laugh and start singing with that pendulum tic toc rhythm and those loose bass guitars that barely get through their beards. You can almost feel the soft rug below bare feet and you can listen to that loose slap base guitar style of John's and Paul's way too high voice that shouldn't have been so loved. Raincoats and solo and sun and chasing paper are coming to my ears. It was all a good laugh and it seems to be tireless.
If there was only a borough to sleep in
Sleep well like a grandfather
With his grandchildren in the house
That definition that we need
That borough that doesnt seep
That bridge that never sags
If there was only a borough to sleep in
The only thing that breathes
The soul's escape
The Many Faces of a Hippy Concert
~~Cell phone Guy~~
You've seen Cell Phone Guy at almost every show. It's not just at hippy shows. He is the guy holding his cell phone up in the air during a song that both him and the guy on the other line have deemed as a bridge in their relationship.
"Dude I can't believe you are missing this. They are fucking playing CLOCKS!!. TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST SAID FUCK THAT CALC EXAM! Fuckin WOOOOOO!!!" He then extends the phone as far as he can towards the stage in hopes that the person on the other end is simply rocking out in their dorm or in class to the show that they couldn't attend.
If you are on the receiving end of the Cell Phone Guy's call you make that face as if someone just threw hot cow urine on you. All you hear is "OOD I c- Eevv u MISSING is. FUckin 2 ous. Old Do Done the Talcom Powder" followed by some sort of music that you can't make out. All you do is hang up the phone when you are done and say "Who the fuck was that?"
Cell Phone Guy also sends you delicious photos like this:
~~Old Creepy Balloon Guy~~
Old Creepy Balloon Guy shows up at the festival with props. He has been to 233 Dead shows and is deliberate on spreading his magic happy balloons to all the fans at the show. He explains the balloons to anyone that will listen as prayers for world peace or as saving the lost souls of those who died in Hurricane Katrina. He tends to stands in the back or to the side and pass out his props whether they be balloons or nerf guns or streamers or fucking homemade granola bars. He only seems to dance to one song that he knew a long time ago and the rest of the day he just spends watching people enjoy his props.
"Be free my baby balloons. Bring world peace. And if you see my libido, spine, brain, or lungs out there - - tell them to come home to Papa Smurf."
~~Set List Guy~~
Oh Set List Guy is the enthusiastic catalyst that drives the show. He's front row and he's using the amps as his clipboard. He carries with him a small piece of paper and a pen to write down each song, AS each song is played. He comes dressed in an off-color similar band shirt and is most likely wearing some sort of hat or weird pair of pants.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE. NO FUCKING WAY..do you hear that? DO YOU HEAR THAT? I heard that Captain America lead all the way back while they were still on the 37th minute of Meat."
~~Too Cool for School Guy~~
Too Cool for School Guy has been to 47 shows. He has seen it and done it all and is now a successful business man who doesn't see the need for it all but insists on going to Phish shows to explain to everyone else how IT SHOULD BE DONE.
"No no no - back in the day we used to put the nitrous up our ass and smoke hash out of an old Indian skull. Kids today don't know shit."
~~Serious Show Guy~~
Serious Show Guy is usually about 35 and started in the 80's with his brother Chet and cousin Tiki huffing nitrous at the age of 14 and sucking down PBR's. He's more than likely a mortgage adjuster or insurance salesman that has weird run down diuretic teeth and has totally had a substance abuse problem for many years. And I see you asking "Hey Bret, how are we supposed to tell who this guy, and why is he called 'Serious Guy'?" Well, you can spot him because as soon as the show starts his hat hiding his receding hairline is now turned backwards and his hands and head have become human air drummers. He is just rocking all to himself with no friends, and nothing around him other than the dripping glory that is the String Cheese Incident.
The only time you hear him speak is between sets, "Fuck man I need a beer to replenish. Fucking great set...great set man."
I know they don't look like it but any concert goer will tell you that these guys will fucking rock out way too hard to the music.
~~Too Many Drugs Guy~~
Obviously this guy is the easiest one to find. He comes in usually with huge dreads or a pulled down truckers hat and eyes that look as if he has been doing a head stand on two shot glasses resting on his sockets. He walks around slapping everyone on the shoulder and sying "buddy" way way way way way too much. Even more way too much than I just typed "way". He starts out the show strong with smiles and glee but then when the second set hits he is often found sans shorts and pants with tighty whities on and his arms stretched into the air like some sort of psycho captain caveman getting a 200 yard hand job from the band. His body flails around like a seizure victim on an operating table as the 49th minute of Sugar Magnolias kicks in to high gear.
~~Drunk Girlfriend Guy~~
Drunk Girlfriend Guy is my most kindred of brother. Although I have never been to a show with a drunk girlfriend I have seen it and for some reason my heart, my soul, and my eyes even, cry for this man. Drunk Girlfriend Guy 6 months ago saved up his allowance or from his job at circuit city to come to the Widespread Panic show. He has been looking forward to taking his hippy girlfriend "Lilly" (aren't they all named Lilly or Sarah?) to the show forever. The morning of the show Lil' (as he likes to call her) decides she'll eat mushrooms and drink a 1/5 of southern Comfort to really BONE up for the show. Things are going great until they hit the parking lot/ land of hippy goods. While returning from procuring his vegetarian Gyro from the van a few cars down he finds Lil' in a ball shaking. She insists she is ok to go in as if she were in the movie "Contact" with Jodie Foster "Ok to go. I am OK TO GO". So my man Barry picks her up by her arms and slings it over his shoulder. He washes her faces with water and he moves her around but Lil' is not very responsive. He drags this 120 pound bag of crap to the gates and after getting in is forced to stand there and despise every second of the show as Crazy lil' (Who didn't see that coming?) demands water, and to sit down, and to leave, and that she doesn't feel well for an hour. The saddest moment is when the band plays "their song" and Barry tries to cheer her up, "Baby BABY its our song." And as if by some hand of God laughing she throws up right there. As she sobers up, Lil' or any drunk girl will most likely throw a fit because she is embarrassed and wants to leave. Poor Barry blew 200 bucks of his hard earned money to go to a concert, get yelled at, and hate life. Sorry Barry - my heart goes out to you.
Lil on her own
~~Ms Mother Nature Guy~~
Ms Mother Nature is usually found in a large hat, corduroy pants with top of her ass crack hanging out, arm pit hair optional, and is walking around like the Queen of fucking Sheba surveying her fiefdom on the lawn at Merriweather. She has a large oversized bag filled with apples and oranges and home grown hydroponic pot that only "SHE" can handle because she smokes for religious and spiritual reasons. She hung out to Liz Phair on the way over and plans on moving to a commune in New Mexico with other supporters of the "Right to Life and Living for Freedom" coalition.
~~Couple With Baby Guys~~
Leaving the scene two years ago becuase of marriage, Margey and Steve went on to finally buy a Winnebago and go on short summer tours with Phish so as not to feel as though they have "sold out". But somehow, when Steve reports to the office Monday morning or changes the diapers he doesn't feel the freedom of peeing himself while high on hallucinogenic singing every lyric to Tweezer. So now they walk around shows and make everyone else feel guilty whilst parading their child around like some sort of sociological puppet that can handle weed smoke and the possible slip n' fall "Oh my god im sorry - is he ok?" moment.
Lot Guy is there for the show but not the show. He has been to 879 shows and on tour since 1992. He has his entire life in his van and would rather listen to the show from the parking lot then from inside. You will see him selling falafels and giving people rides to the next show if they chip in for gas. He can be a little creepy but for the most part he is a lovely young/old/dying/fucked up man.
Republicans invented deoderant.
Oriole Conversations Get Me Excited
Talking about the Orioles with a friend of mine working for - uh - that Baltimore clothing company.
bretbliam: "Prior says his cautious start this spring is because he suffered a two-week respiratory illness in late December that sent him to the emergency room. "
bretbliam: teams are going to waste money on mark prior for over a decade
bretbliam: i bet he never wins 100 games
BizzleJr: you were the one who would have been happy to get him
bretbliam: i know
bretbliam: i know
bretbliam: i love him
bretbliam: i love watching him pitch
bretbliam: he just seems....doomed
BizzleJr: he's incredible when he is on
bretbliam: like he may die on the field
bretbliam: or his arm may go Dave Righetti style
bretbliam: where it breaks in 7 places
BizzleJr: broken bat splinter to the throat
bretbliam: struck by lightning
bretbliam: or a foul ball to the pen hitting him in the face and shattering it
BizzleJr: bad boog powells bbq
bretbliam: runaway poison bird shit
BizzleJr: some weird std transmitted from dusty baker
bretbliam: or dustys kid
bretbliam: BTW - I have found our new starting left fielder
bretbliam: are you ready?
bretbliam: Juan Gonzalez
BizzleJr: isn't he like an ageless 77 year old?
BizzleJr: dick clark?
bretbliam: hes only 36
BizzleJr: no way
bretbliam: swear to the god who has doomed mark prior
BizzleJr: oh I was thinking about franco
BizzleJr: nevermind, he's 77
bretbliam: i think he really is 47
bretbliam: or 45
bretbliam: something retarded
bretbliam: watch - he'll reform as a pitcher develop a
knuckler and pitch until hes 61
BizzleJr: still that is pretty fucking old
BizzleJr: franco is a batter
bretbliam: i know
BizzleJr: oh I gotcha
bretbliam: but he'll matriculate
BizzleJr: good word
bretbliam: and don tell me my baseball honey
BizzleJr: don't call me honey noggin
bretbliam: BTW who is our underarmour guy for the o's this year?
bretbliam: not Big Bird
BizzleJr: I didn't fucking tell you?
BizzleJr: GIDDY FUCKING UP
BizzleJr: SO AWFUL
bretbliam: dont say Gibbons
bretbliam: NO FUCKING WAY!
BizzleJr: THE KILOMETER Kevin Millar
bretbliam: the KILO!
BizzleJr: YEAH BABY
BizzleJr: BIG FATTY
bretbliam: thats fucking retarded
bretbliam: but interesting
BizzleJr: DUDE i protested
bretbliam: i mean as a baltimore fan
bretbliam: i protest
BizzleJr: heres the dilemma though
bretbliam: as a baltimorean seeing that fucker's face i protest
bretbliam: but as a UA guy
bretbliam: not a bad idea
bretbliam: he'll be our most visible guy
BizzleJr: b-rob is under contract with nike, as is gibbons,
bretbliam: and im sure hes cheap
bretbliam: good for you guys
BizzleJr: like a bag of doritos and a hand job cheap
bretbliam: just make sure he has some sort of orioles something on
BizzleJr: tejada isn't worth the money
bretbliam: Mora would have been nice
bretbliam: or even Bedard
BizzleJr: you would be surprised what both asked for
bretbliam: i probably would
BizzleJr: Mora wanted something like 80
bretbliam: 80 what?
bretbliam: thats not bad
bretbliam: is that a lot for that stuff?
bretbliam: it doesnt sound like a lot
BizzleJr: millar was prob around 7500-12000
bretbliam: but anyway i take my Kevin Millar statement
bretbliam: good choice
bretbliam: well done you
BizzleJr: still protest
bretbliam: yeah with rock throwing or maybe a souvenier Mark Prior hip bone!
Best News of the Year Thus Far
U.S. must release domestic spying documents.
Take them where you can get them in this day and age.
100 things about her
~~I'm the gayest - - but alas - in love ~~
1. that you sent the picture on my desk that you saved, printed
2. the way you look in pigtails
3. the way you look in sleep pants
4. that you try to hog the remote
5. your rendition of any song that we know
6. that you hate rap music
7. the way you wiggle your nose when you get done eating
8. the fact that you took over my side of the bed with a lame excuse
9. that you speed
10. that you expect me to order your food
11. that you got me to start drinking wine
12. that you are unbelievable beautiful
13. that you are even more beautiful when you sleep
14. that you are the most beautiful when you just start to fall asleep and you don't snore
15. that you remember everything about everything
16. that you hold me to a higher standard
17. that you dont shy away from going to the jukebox and playing songs
18. that you tried mushrooms and enjoyed yourself
19. that you are furry
20. that you have to shave your toes
21. that you are absurdly confident
22. that you said the words benwa balls without flinching
23. that you are so obsessively worried about everything
24. that you like to sleep in and eat awful food
25. that you are green to so many things I want to show you
26. that you don't give in to anything I say
27. that you are just as passionate as I am if not way more
28. that you know what you want and are willing to work to get it
29. that you waited
30. the way your lips purse together when you make love
31. the way you blink your eyes 7 times when you want to be complimented
32. that you love cheeseburgers above all other food
33. that you just asked me how many of these I have done
34. that you get really pissed and then calm down
35. that you admit when you are being a shit
36. that you think we are a good looking couple
37. that you are willing to change with me
38. that you adore my friends
39. that you now listen to the news when we drive to work in the morning without trying to change it
40. that you understand my need to play FIFA 06
41. that you love soccer, if even for all the wrong reasons
42. that you once punched me in the face
43. that you have taken it to be your job to remember the names of all the people we meet
44. that you openly and warmly talk to people I just introduce you to
45. that you make me earn it
46. that you didnt mind peeing in front of me
47. that you let me clean you up one night when you got sick
48. that you sleep naked
49. the way you drive with your head cocked up waiting to sing something
50. the way your neck smells
51. that you get so excited about the littlest genuine thing
52. that you bought us a puzzle
53. that you stick up for me and brag about me within ear shot
54. that you can't cook but are eager to learn
55. that you'll grab me and kiss me when you want to be kissed
56. just your eyes alone are enough to stop traffic
57. you'll genuinely laugh as opposed to fake laugh at what I say
58. that you trust me to always put you first
59. that you thought nothing of scheduling my dentist appointment
60. that you are a wizard
61. that you are the spunkiest thing in town
62. the way you smoke while preparing your food with condiments
63. the way you put your hands in your lap when you order shiraz
64. the way you look to me to solve simple restaurant elated issues like "Baby this is too spicey."
65. the way you attribute good things in fictional characters to me
66. that we go back 5 years and are now just here.
67. your love for anything bold and over the top
68. you appreciation for small nuances found in the way a bird stands or a child smiles
69. the way you speak Armenian and smirk when I almost understand it
70. that you are as very very sensitive to how people act
71. that laugh, like the wine you want to get drunk off of forever
72. THE EYEBROW RAISE
73. that you know the name of my friends that you have never met
74. that you break up with me everyday
75. the 10incher stare
76. the way guys flirt with you and then you immediately turn your head around looking for me while it happens.
77. your little bow when you have to say goodbye to said flirtatious man
78. that you just signed on and the first thing you said was "I love you"
79. that you tell me when im being arrogant and allow me to tell you when you are a pain in the ass
80. that you tell me your dreams without apologizing
81. that you have what you think are HUGE issue when in actuality they are so very small and easy to fix
82. that you have a drink named "the picky bitch" and love that it describes YOU more than anything in the drink
83. your inner stripper that comes out when you dance to the jukebox
84. your cheerleader routine
85. that you dont like dark chocolate or seafood
86. that you know you come first
87. that you didnt kiss me for the first 3 weeks we started seeing each other
88. that you never lied to me about any of it
89. your hair toss
90. your storm out of the bar routine
91. your hatred for underwear
92. that i once saw you smell your boob by picking it up to your face
93. that you tell me my deoderant sucks becuase its the deoderant you use
94. the way you do little claps and squish your knees together when your food comes
95. that being able to crack your back is on my list of things I can do. Especially that one time I just did it with one hand.
96. that you have 2,876 rules that are not bendable nor negotiable. BUt you do break them from time to time.
97. your unquenchable thirst to always want to do something
98. that you try to YELL AT ME OVER INSTANT MESSENGER
99. that you and I have our own little code words - Persimmons!
100. you are FUCKING NUTS!
101. because you would love that I did 101 instead of 100
And I'm Born Again
It is the secret of the world that all things subsist and do not die, but only retire from sight and afterwards return again.-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An adaptation of Major League:
"Spring Training starts on the 15th. How do you think the Orioles will do this year?"
"Corey Patterson, Jeff Conine, Kevin Millar I never heard of half of these guys and the one's I do know are way past their prime." --
I'm very excited for the return of baseball.
Since there was you
Days have become gleaned of gray
Replaced mid harvest
Orange and Yellow
Rolling down hills of canary patterned flight
Taking up with green fields
As if they could breathe your name
The day of Us
Reconciles only through clean eyes
Understand the fresh cut of the field
And follow the bird's flight
Down yellow paths of love
Happy Valentine's Day Furball
I ain't eatin pigeon for dinner no more
He changes his mind because I went too far. We all disagree and you ask "is this it?" IS THIS IT!?! I think we should disagree. I have no idea. I can only macro analyze why it is I have a couch and a remote. I can only sense what there is to be smelled and seen.
The Angels are older
The sun sets on
A little grass shadow
Take away the idea
to supplant what
They had forgotten and
Will rise (roll)
Within the spirit of
The souls that breath
I pulled out the drive way there. And looked down that road. There wasn't nothin for me to do. There wasnt but dirt and memories. "Memories ahead" I laughed to myself. It's like my whole life I can see the destruction so far ahead that that is all there is is Memories Ahead.
Mirrors and a bass line on a piano make for everything that I want right now. It's almost as if I can see it bounce off the reflection without having one itself. It morphs the mirror into a kickstand and wants for me to play my fingers on the cool surface.
"Why you come down here to just get hurt? Ain't nobody care bout nobody that don't care."
"That's an excellent point. But I figured I deserved a break."
"You ain't deserve shit far as I can see. You deserve a good dose of heartache."
"That's all I've been eating up until now."
"Yeah well you gonna get more. You gonna get a whole bunch else yous tart being who you was."
"I am who I am."
"Well ain't nobody want to talk to him. He is boring the shit out of all of us. He ain't all that special to be holdin noses up and sniffin at the air like he own it."
"Well, you know Loretta, I haven't ever been any good. And I don't plan on starting now."
"Shit you was a little idol once. You was somethin to behold and you be leavin me yawning with this. You either move to shake the soul or I'll beat it til it falls out."
Short Story For You
One of my favorite authors HARUKI MURAKAMI released a short story entitled A SHINAGAWA MONKEY I love how most of his stuff has so many great metaphors and analogies. He uses the human senses to really draw you out into a meadow where you are forced to figure out where you are standing in the story. He makes you figure out what the story means to you by painting the characters with such a vivid color that as you read you are then made to come to your own conclusions about who they really are. It's like getting feed nothing but tomatoes and then you no longer taste the tomato but the acidity, the texture, and the earth of it. You find this in a lot of Far East literature. They really NEED to get their point across to you, even if that point is simplicity.
What I struggle With Now
I've always wanted to be successful. No matter how many times I say that it does not mean anything to me, I am lying, and of course it does mean a great deal. As of right now I am not a success by any means. There are many hindrances to this issue but none more so than my own laziness and malaise.
I am also struggling with the middle-age / middle-age dilemma that hits many 26-29 year olds. You see at this age some people are doing really well for themselves and some people are just getting their lives back together from whatever they lost or squandered. Some people are buying homes and getting married while a big day for me is grocery shopping and not drinking. It's a very strange thing and it cause a good bit of jealousy for me but I guess it can be motivating.
Today I am calling about apartments in a different part of the city. It won't be anything flashy or nice. Hell, it may even be downright impoverished. But, the point of doing it is to break the cycle that currently has me shackled to the person I don't like.
I guess what mostly brings these thoughts into perspective is the idea of love. My roommates, whom I love, and who are also in love with their girlfriend, start to feel the slow change. It's the slow change of recognizing your lack of giving love its full attention. What this does to you is it makes you want to change who you are sometimes. It makes you want to harness all that wasted energy and means and put it towards something wholesome, even if the idea of that wholesome something was sold to you by not so wholesome people. Hopefully love can help me be the person I owe to it.
Anyway, I don't enjoy being a semi-failure at 26. I don't like any of my bad habits and I think a change of scenery would be beneficial at this point. It's just an update. Thought some people out there would care to know.
One of my favorite songs that I haven't heard in forever, TB Sheet by Van Morrison just came on Pandora and I am so happy about 7 and half minutes of pure love.
And i can almost smell your TB sheets...on your sick bed - -
Half the world where I've been lost and found. You can only stumble through someone else telling you what your dreams mean for so long. You eventually start to look at it as though those dreams are yours and there is no reason to feel down. You stretch your muscles and take stock of your soul's water level and decide that today no one has to like me but me. Today I am an autonomous viable being.
I remember watching "About a Boy" in Seoul, Korea and thinking about how much I wanted to be the lead character played by Hugh Grant. I wanted to travel the world or just sit there. I didn't really care. I remember not worrying and then crying and worrying all the time. I remember missing and then thanking. I wished there was balance amongst it that would allow me to go again. I want to hear the words sung by Badly Drawn Boy and sit there on a clean floor in my socks with the warmth of the heated water pipes while eating Ramin noodles out of a bowl as I looked out at my clothes line and the snow falling on an old man raking the leaves. I want that away warmth back. I want to feel alone all over again. Alone and comfortable is how I behave best.
I put my arm around her waist. She put me on the ground with judo and she couldn't smile while looking at me. She felt the need to sweep me off my feet before I made the mistake of believing horoscopes and birthday wishes. She walked out to the edge of town and she took a little girl by the hand. They had a lot in common. I'll leave them to do what they need to do. I'll go and play with words and pictures. I'll go and tell the story of Emma and Lindsay: the Judo boxer and girl with cold hands.
I'm not as descriptive as Dostoevsky and I'm not as clever as Mark Twain. I'm not terrific at much but I'm competent at this. I have no idea what a girl thinks and what I say only seems to hurt. It's beyond me what a girl can see. I can only write and explain and listen while the time passes to the moment when love looks up and explains it all to me once again. This is just a piece of a blog. This is not the bible and I can't dance to it.
It is a dance we do in silence far below the morning sun. We can stand without speaking and draw the water from our hands. It is a long way that I have come across the sand to find this peace. The face of the sun resides in the smile of you and so far the other way my life has gone.
You can bust your feet and you can rock this joint. But aren't you going to miss your best friend? You have to find yourself another mother. Don't try to let me ease because you'll lose. There is salt on the top of the levee looking for you to lick it as the time has come to drink the tonic that got you to the point of the high tide. Pack up your suitcase and don't make a sound. Just go on down the street and without this movable rock you will see the meanest flood that anyone has ever seen.
Talking all these kinds of blues makes no sense to me. Reading all this bad writing and bad poetry by people trying to pick up pieces that weren't broken but dropped. You had a gift once and that was to live. Instead you decided to believe too much in yourself. Learn from the ones who preach to you that you should never preach.
I hate Cat Stevens. I really don't like anyone given the luxury of just wanting to be. I too just want to be. I don't have interest accruing or records selling out of the Wallmart 9.99 bin. Don't talk to me about freedom and just being. You have already been when you decided to just be.
Fast forwarding only makes me forget that still works.
I liked watching Jerry McGuire the first time. I remember hearing Shelter from the Storm at the end and thought all I needed was something good in my life. I looked and there wasn't much there that was good. I looked and it all falls apart sooner or later unless you really do learn to love. In order for love to live you really do have to forgive and love and be patient. You have to put someone else first and you have to do it unconditionally. Maybe true love allows this. Maybe some people aren't meant to love they just fall in love with the idea of it. You can't walk on hard nails forever. You'll miss the symphony for the curtain.
Pandora Song List
Amazon Wish List
Revolutionary Wealth - Tofflers
Things Making Me Smile
Listening - [out of 5]
Benjy Ferree - 4.8
The Thermals 3.1
David Gray 3.8
Like the guy with the beard? YES - like the guy with the beers. What? Yep
Bands That I Check Schedules For
Badly Drawn Boy
Belle and Sebastian
The Black Keys
Drive By Truckers
Mark Hopkins Band
Iron and Wine
Mates of State
Two if By Sea
Places I Rock in the Flesh
The Knitting Factory
The Otto Bar
Places I Eat/Drink in the Flesh
Cross Street Market
No Way Jose
The Irish Pub
The Waterfront Hotel
My Greatest Hits (that's so lame)
The time I almost killed a child
July 4th in Korea
Excerpts from Demian
Why I screen phone calls
Bret's Death Metal Report
A conversation at a cocktail party
A conversation at breakfast
So you think you are a Baltimorian
A conversation about a girl singer
Observations from a bar
Observations of strippers
Why I love Oasis
I would go to war
"You Son of a Bitch" An Open Letter to Tom Friend
Dance to Your Ocean
When men become pussies
Jason Whitlock is a racist propaganda promoter
Pitchfork takes music snobbery to new level
The Cosmic Clash of the Red Sox and Cubs
The Hatred that is Runts Candy
Starting corporate line-up
Do you know me? List 1 / List 2 / List 3
The Night I Burned Philly Down
So You Want to be a Booze Hound
She Said it was Free
Funniest Corporate Story Ever
Striped Shirts and the Fucks that Wear Them
Pieces of Morning
Oasis Album Revew
The Art of Tipping
Starting Fires With Grass Stains
Bret's Federal Hill Food Review
Sexcapades and your Picture on the Internet
Stupid Secrets the Return
Stuff I Swing By From Time to Time
Indie Video Archive
Large Hearted Boy
Pitch Fork Media
Scenestars MP3 Blogs
Sound Garden Baltimore
Angry Little Girls
Junior Varsity Meat Market
Baltimore City Paper
The Baltimore Sun
Villa Julie College Baseball
06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
03/01/2010 - 04/01/2010
04/01/2010 - 05/01/2010
05/01/2010 - 06/01/2010
06/01/2010 - 07/01/2010
07/01/2010 - 08/01/2010
08/01/2010 - 09/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
02/01/2011 - 03/01/2011
03/01/2011 - 04/01/2011
04/01/2011 - 05/01/2011
05/01/2011 - 06/01/2011
06/01/2011 - 07/01/2011
12/01/2011 - 01/01/2012
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012
10/01/2012 - 11/01/2012
11/01/2012 - 12/01/2012
01/01/2013 - 02/01/2013
04/01/2013 - 05/01/2013
06/01/2013 - 07/01/2013
07/01/2013 - 08/01/2013
08/01/2013 - 09/01/2013
09/01/2013 - 10/01/2013
10/01/2013 - 11/01/2013
11/01/2013 - 12/01/2013
12/01/2013 - 01/01/2014
01/01/2014 - 02/01/2014
02/01/2014 - 03/01/2014
03/01/2014 - 04/01/2014
04/01/2014 - 05/01/2014
05/01/2014 - 06/01/2014
06/01/2014 - 07/01/2014
07/01/2014 - 08/01/2014
08/01/2014 - 09/01/2014
10/01/2014 - 11/01/2014
11/01/2014 - 12/01/2014
12/01/2014 - 01/01/2015
01/01/2015 - 02/01/2015
02/01/2015 - 03/01/2015
03/01/2015 - 04/01/2015
04/01/2015 - 05/01/2015
05/01/2015 - 06/01/2015
06/01/2015 - 07/01/2015
07/01/2015 - 08/01/2015
08/01/2015 - 09/01/2015
10/01/2015 - 11/01/2015
11/01/2015 - 12/01/2015
12/01/2015 - 01/01/2016
01/01/2016 - 02/01/2016
03/01/2016 - 04/01/2016
06/01/2016 - 07/01/2016
07/01/2016 - 08/01/2016
08/01/2016 - 09/01/2016
10/01/2016 - 11/01/2016
11/01/2016 - 12/01/2016
02/01/2017 - 03/01/2017
03/01/2017 - 04/01/2017
04/01/2017 - 05/01/2017
05/01/2017 - 06/01/2017
07/01/2017 - 08/01/2017
08/01/2017 - 09/01/2017
10/01/2017 - 11/01/2017
01/01/2018 - 02/01/2018